Broken
by aykata
Summary: In the heat of the moment, Kurt kisses Blaine, but he does not get the reaction he was hoping for.  Kurt is broken, and now it's up to the very person who broke him to pick up the pieces. I suck at summaries :/ M just in case
1. Chapter 1

A/N: So this is my first fan fic ever, but I just had to get this down on writing. I feel like if Blaine rejected Kurt, all his insecurities would come out, and he would be more broken than ever. But will Blaine be able to fix him?

Please please review even if it's only to say that this is just a waste of my time, I really want to know.

Thanks :)

* * *

The excitement was palpable as we, the Warblers, walked off stage.

"You were amazing!" I heard Blaine say from behind, right before he wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me towards him. Well, to be honest, that was all that I could hear after that point because being so close to the boy I was madly in love with sort of made it hard for me to think coherent thoughts. Well, it made it hard for me to think anything at all…

All too sudden I felt Blaine's warmth disappear, and I turned towards him incredulously to say "Me? Are you kidding me Blaine you were perfect!" with a huge doofus smile plastered on my face.

He returned my smile with a dapper, dazzling, blinding one of his own, and in the excitement of things I threw my arms around his neck and practically flung myself at him. He caught me in his arms and we twirled around wrapped in eachothers' embrace.

That moment felt so perfect, so right, that when Blaine set me down again, I did the one thing I had wanted to do since the first moment I laid my eyes on the boy.

I kissed him.

I couldn't believe myself, it felt like my body was acting on it's own accord. But, even though there was a very small part of my brain screaming at me that I could lose the best thing I've ever had, the other, much, much larger portion was telling me that what I was doing was right, and that he loved me back.

I knew that he felt the same way. I was sure.

At first I couldn't ever wrap my head around the idea that Blaine fucking Perfect Anderson could ever love me, but everyone saw the way he acted. The flirty duets, the looks he'd give me during practice, how he would hold my hand every chance that he'd get…

I was in love with Blaine Anderson, and he loved me back. I knew it for sure.

I stepped back from the kiss, expecting to look at the face of the boy who was surely smiling at me. But what I saw instead made my entire face turn white.

Blaine wasn't smiling. No, he wasn't smiling at all.

He looked confused, scared and incredibly sad.

"B-Blaine, I'm s-s-s-sorry" I managed to say in a whisper that was barely audible, but it was too late. Blaine had already taken two steps back, and now he'd turned away from me completely and started half walking half running in the opposite direction.

I knew my feet weren't going to be able to carry me for long. I could literally feel my heart breaking, and I knew that I had to get away from the green room as soon as possible.

I turned around and hauled myself to the nearest bathroom, slamming the door to one of the stalls shut. The second I turned the lock, my knees gave way. I dropped to the bathroom floor, not being able to care about the germs that were surrounding me, or that I was ruining my uniform.

"He doesn't love me" I managed to say in a whisper.

"He doesn't –" was all I was able to get out before I started sobbing hysterically.

With Finn and Sam, I got it. They were straight and it was impossible for them to like me. I wouldn't be able to like a girl even if she was perfect for me, just as they couldn't like me.

But with Blaine… I felt my heart squeeze again just by thinking his name.

With Blaine… He was gay. He was my best friend. Other than my family, he was the one person who mattered the most to me.

I'm in love with him, and unlike Finn and Sam, he's gay.

He's gay, so why doesn't he like me back?

"Why would he like you?" said the voice in my head. "You're ugly. You're fat. You look like a girl. You don't have any talent. You're not funny, you're not charming. You sure as hell aren't sexy. Why would anyone, let alone Blaine Anderson, but anyone, ever like you?"

"SHUT UP!" I yelled, and I wasn't sure whether it was aloud or not – but I couldn't make the voice stop.

"You're ugly. You're fat. Nobody's ever going to want to be with you. Nobody. How could you even think that you deserved someone like Blaine? How could you think that you deserved anyone at all? Do you think that you deserve happiness? You don't! You're just a stupid faggot!"

The voice kept going on and on, and I cried myself into oblivion on the bathroom floor.

* * *

Kurt kissed me.

I'm not usually one for swearing, but Kurt fucking kissed me.

Shit.

I love him. I love Kurt Hummel with every fiber of my being, but just not in that way.

Sure, he has the prettiest eyes I have ever seen, and his skin is like heaven to touch, but I just don't love him like that. What if he has the voice of an angel, or has the cutest "bitch face" that he wears whenever someone wears a sweater vest. So what if my heart breaks whenever I see him cry? So what if I want to put Karofsky to the grave for ever hurting him? So what if he is the kindest, sweetest most gentle person I have ever met in my life? So fucking what if he has more courage than I will ever have in my whole life? So…

Well, shit.

Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit with a cherry on top.

Do I like him?

Oh hell do I?

I was suddenly broken out of my trance by Wes and David who were snapping their fingers in my face.

"Huh? What?" I asked, and they said that they just asked me whether I was OK or not.

"I think I'm in love with Kurt" I said, expecting a look of utter shock on their faces, but I got nada.

"No shit, Sherlock" David said.

"What?" I exclaimed in return.

"Well considering you undress him with your eyes every practice, and that you basically find every excuse to touch him, we sort of figured." said Wes, followed by a shrug.

"Oh Wes, you look tense, want me to massage your back?" David said facing Wes, fluttering his eyelashes in a way that made me want to punch him so, very, freakishly bad.

"I do not do that" I opposed, but they were far past the point of listening to me.

"Oh David, you have some chocolate on your mouth, let me wipe that off with my thumb and then just gaze at you like a deer caught in headlights for the next thirty seconds". Wes replied, equally flirty.

"Oh Wes, it's snowing outside, why don't I take your hands in mine so you don't get cold, even though we are in a freaking building with heat and all of us are wearing freaking tshirts."

"Oh David, let's pull an all nighter and find ourselves tangled up in bed together."

"Oh Wes and David, if you don't shut the fuck up in the next ten seconds I am going to burn your love fern." I yelled, not being able to take it any more.

Wes and David looked at me, completely apalled, and said "You wouldn't dare..."

"Do you really want to find out? Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a boy who is going to yell at me for needing the assistance of two of the biggest morons on the planet in order for me to realize my feelings for him" I added, and turned away from them.

"I need to go find him and apologize. I need to set things straight", I thought as I headed back to the center of the green room, but I was stopped by a loud noise.

Someone screamed. It was an agonizing, horrible, troubled scream.

They yelled "SHUT UP!" and I knew that it was Kurt.

My heart began racing twice as fast at the prospect of him being hurt. Was Karofsky here? Who was hurting him? Why would anyone hurt Kurt?

I rant o the bathroom where his voice was coming from, and I stopped at the door.

I could hear him crying. He was talking to himself.

"H-h-h-he doesn't l-l-love you… Never h-h-has ne-n-n-never will. Why w-w-ould he? W-w-why would anyone ever love you? Y-y-y-you're ugly Kurt Hummel. Y-you're ugly, and you're mean, and you're just w-w-wrong. You don't deserve to be loved. You're nothing but a stupid, sick faggot."

I don't know what happened or how, but I found myself collapsed at the bathroom door.

This was Kurt Hummel we were talking about. Kurt Hummel, who is the most confident person I know. Kurt Hummel who doesn't take crap from anybody. Kurt Hummel, who was one of the most gorgeous boys he had ever seen, not to mention one of the nicest, and now the Kurt Hummel that I loved so much was calling himself ugly, and mean, and wrong.

"He thinks he doesn't deserve to be loved…" ran through my head, and I couldn't stop thinking that he was the one person out of everyone I knew that absolutely deserved love.

I knew that I would never be able to forgive myself for making him feel this way, but I sure as hell was going to try to get him to forgive me. I didn't care how many Alexander McQueen coats or Chanel scarves it took, I was going to get that boy back, and I was going to make sure that he never, ever, felt again the way he does right now.

I don't know how much time passed, but I found myself still curled up in front of the door when Wes lifted me up and told me that it was results time.

"Give me a few minutes, I have to go get K-Kurt.." I pleaded, and he nodded understandingly and walked away, taking his position behind the curtain.

* * *

_Umm.. yeah so this is the first chapter. I think I'll continue with at least two more chapters but the rest will depend on whether I get any reviews or not. PS: I totally stole the love fern idea from McKlainely High, it's an amazing fic by an amazing author so go and read that if you haven't :)_


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: I will put a long explanatory Author's Note at the end of this chapter explaining why it took me so freaking long to update, but until then, I first want to say thank you, thank you and THANK YOU! for all of the reviews :) I thought to myself that if I got 5 story alerts that I could die a happy girl, but I got 9 reviews and a lot of story alerts/favorites which means so much to me, you guys can't even begin to imagine...**

**So just so you know, every time there is a page break, the story changes POV's. So this chapter starts off with Blaine, but then switches to Kurt etc... And this is Regionals, but it's an AU, so there was no Blackbird, and certainly no Kliss. Think of this as a whole new episode 16.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee, but I absolutely adore the fabulous people that do.**

* * *

"Blaine it's been 10 minutes, we really need to get going." Wes said, "I can talk to him if you want, convince him to get on stage, and you guys can talk once the results are announced. Maybe it will be easier that way for both of you?"

"N-no, I need to talk to him" I replied, and it was true, I really did.

I had to tell him that he wasn't unlovable, that he was the most beautiful, caring, smart, funny, talented boy I have ever met, and that I was an idiot for not realizing it until just now. But merely the sound of Kurt crying was breaking my heart, there was no chance in hell that I would be able to form coherent sentences while seeing those gorgeous eyes of his filled with tears. I just needed him to stop crying, and then it would all be OK.

Wait – speaking of which, had Kurt stopped crying? The room had been silent for some while now, I just didn't realize with Wes trying (and failing miserably) to give me the courage to talk to Kurt.

This was my moment.

"Come on Blaine, you can do this. You're Blaine Anderson, you can do this." I tried to convince myself, but as I finally got up, I heard a click, followed by footsteps.

Out of nowhere, Kurt stepped out of the door, looking as composed as ever. His hair was meticulously coiffed, and not a single wrinkle was on his uniform. Other than the slight tinge of red on his eyes, he looked as if nothing had happened.

For a moment I wondered whether I had imagined the whole thing. Was it not Kurt who was crying?

But, no, I looked at Wes whose mouth was agape (an expression I was most likely mirroring) and I knew that he was wondering the exact same thing.

What the hell had happened?

"Kurt, are you okay?" Wes asked, his voice barely more than a whisper.

"Yeah, sure. But don't we have to be on stage in like, 60 seconds or so?" Kurt replied, and walked off.

Wes looked at me, shrugged and followed after him.

It took me a few seconds, but once I got my thoughts together I hurried after them.

* * *

I didn't even know how long I was sitting on the bathroom floor for before I finally came back to my senses.

My head hurt.

Correction: My head hurt a whole freaking lot.

I tried to collect my thoughts and try to remember exactly what I was doing sitting on the ice cold marble floor. Speaking of which, I really should be standing up.

It was just as I had finally gotten up that it all suddenly hit me.

I kissed B-… Fuck, I can't even think his name without feeling like shit.

I kissed him. And, turns out, he doesn't love me back.

_"Which isn't surprising considering the only person who could ever love you is your father"_ said a voice that was all too familiar now.

I closed my eyes and willed the voice to go away. I figured that if I kept my mind occupied it wouldn't be able to come back.

"I am Kurt Elisabeth Hummel. I am 17 years old. I used to be in McKinley High, but now I have transferred to Dalton Academy. The Glee club at McKinley is called New Directions, and Dalton's Glee club is called the Dalton Academy Warblers. My favorite subject is French, and Patti LuPone is my idol."

Once I felt confident enough that my mind was occupied, and that I could actually step out of the bathroom stall without breaking down, I unlocked the door and made my way to the sink. I looked at my reflection, and to say that I looked like shit would be an understatement.

_"Of course you look like shit you ugly qu-"_

NO. Don't listen to the voice Kurt, you're strong. You've been through worse. All that you need to do right now is fix your hair and straighten out your uniform, and go up on stage. You'll think about everything else later. And don't listen to the voice. It's part of your imagination.

I kept repeating the little speech to myself as I took out my comb from my jacket's inner pocket and coiffed my hair to the best of my abilities.

There wasn't much that I could do about the uniform without a proper iron (and surprisingly enough, irons did not magically manifest themselves in the middle of auditorium bathrooms), so after quickly tucking my shirt back in, and running my hands over my blazer, I turned around and looked at the mirror one more time.

It was blatantly obvious that I had been crying, but I was pretty sure that everyone within a 10 mile radius had heard my sobs so there wasn't anything to hide, really. Other than that, however, I looked like Kurt Hummel. The perfect, flawless diva.

_"Yeah right"._

"Ignore it, ignore it and it will go away" I murmured to myself and took three steps to the bathroom door.

I turned the lock, and took a deep breath before I finally opened the door to the hallway.

Two people were standing there. Wes and "him".

I quickly fixed my gaze upon Wes, and even though I could see "him" in my peripheral vision, I couldn't directly see his face, which helped. What didn't help was that I was so familiar with him that I could literally sense every movement that he was making without actually having to see him.

I tried to ignore the warmth that I could feel practically radiating off of him, as I realized that Wes was speaking to me. I only managed to hear the end of his question, which was something along the lines of "Okay?".

"Yeah, sure. But don't we have to be on stage in like, 60 seconds or so?" I answered, hoping that neither of them heard the way my voice shook at the last two syllables. I knew that I couldn't keep this conversation up, or be around "him" without breaking down again, so I quickly turned around and made my way towards the stage.

First I heard Wes' loud, sloppy footsteps hurrying behind me, followed by the more silent, hesitant ones of Blaine.

I only had to walk for one minute or so before I saw the Warblers lined up, waiting to be called on stage.

The New Directions were already under the spotlight, all grinning widely, and even from the distance I could see Rachel simply buzzing with excitement.

Aural Intensity was called, and the ridiculously dressed students piled on to the stage one by one.

"Oh, Kurt!" David said, with far more excitement than anyone should be able to muster, "how are you lover boy? Are you and Blaine going to get married? If you are, can you name one of your gaybies after me? You can call him Gavid – get it? Because it's like David but Gay – vid? Kurt?"

* * *

I saw Kurt facing the curtains of the stage, standing at the very end of the line of Warblers just waiting to be called out to the stage.

I watched him for a couple of seconds. I know that it sounds creepy and weird, but my feelings for him had hit me so quickly, and so strong, that I needed some time to fully process everything.

Aural Intensity was called, and he turned his head to the left watching them leave one by one to go on stage, and I couldn't believe his beauty. How could one person's profile be so striking? His beautiful eyes were sparkling as he tried to take everything that was going on around him in, and his perfect pixie nose curved up in a way that I had not seen on any other human. His pink lips were swollen from where he had been nibbing at them, and I couldn't believe that just minutes ago, those perfect lips were on my own.

How could I be so stupid as to not realize my feelings for Kurt until now? Had I loved him all along?

I thought back to the day when I first saw him.

I remember how fast my heart had been beating when I held his hand and ran through the halls of Dalton with him. I remember how happy I was when he accepted my invitation to take him to Rent. I remember how we spoke for hours while he was planning his father's wedding, how we discussed everything from color schemes to hors d'oeuvres, and I didn't mind spending hours on the phone with him even though I had finals all week. I remember how inexplicably happy I was when he said that he was going to transfer, and I remember how much I wanted to smash the council's faces in when they told me that they weren't going to give Kurt a solo. I remember singing "Baby, It's Cold Outside" with him, and I remember how he was the only thing I could think of when I was on stage performing at the King's Island Christmas Spectacular. I remember how nervous I was when I first met Carole and Burt, and how we sang the New Directions' "Thriller/Heads Will Roll" mash-up for days after the game was over. I remember my gaze shifting to Kurt all the time, even as I was serenading Jeremiah, and I remember the feeling of being rejected in front of Kurt hurting far more than the rejection itself.

I remember everything, and I just know, that I had been in love with Kurt Elisabeth Hummel all along.

I step forward, wanting to talk to Kurt before we got on stage, wanting to tell him everything, wanting to hold him, to comfort him, to hear him tell me that it's not too late and that he can forgive me for being an idiot, but before I reach him, I realise that there's someone else talking to him.

"…You and Blaine going to get married? If you are, can you name one of your gaybies after me? You can call him Gavid – get it? Because it's like David but Gay – vid? Kurt?"

Oh David Greene I am going to murder you.

No, I am going to lock you and Wes into a room. I am going to burn your love fern. I am going to burn Herman and I am going to feed the ashes to Wes. Then I am going to kill Wes and make you watch before I finally kill you you stupid fucking idiot.

I see Kurt moving towards the front of the line, tears in his eyes, struggling to put as much distance between him and David as possible.

"Fucking asshole!" I shout at David before I make my way through the clueless Warblers in my haze to try and reach Kurt.

When I finally catch up to him, I tap his shoulder and he slowly turns around.

"Kurt…" I say, but he cuts me off before I get a chance to continue.

He starts talking, but somehow manages to avoid any eye contact with me. He is looking down at his shoes and I can see a single teardrop making its way across his cheek. There is nothing more that I want to do at that moment than to kiss it away, but I know that it would lead to even more pain.

"B-Blaine… Please don't cut me off and let me say what I want to say. I'm sorry. I'm really very terribly sorry for what I did, but I can't keep this up anymore, OK? I tried it, and it didn't work. I tried smiling as you gushed to me about Jeremiah, I tried to be there for you as you were planning the details for your date with Rachel, I tried to pretend that my heart doesn't break every time you talk about someone with that spark in your eyes, but it does, OK? It fucking hurts so much you have no idea. Somehow, amongst all of our drama I managed to convince myself that you felt for me what I so desperately feel for you. I realize now that that was completely foolish of me, but I guess I just… I just wanted to be loved, for the first time in my life. I wanted to know that I deserved love, that I deserved… Anyway…"

He stopped talking to wipe the tears that were now falling madly from his eyes, but I was too paralyzed to do the same for myself. I started crying the second he started talking, and I wanted to stop him, I wanted to tell him that I loved him, but I couldn't.

After a couple of seconds, he continued.

* * *

"I… I love you. I love you so fucking much it breaks my heart to even be this close to you. But don't worry, I know now that you don't love me in that way, and honestly I'm going to need some time to get over this, to get over you, but I know that after a while we can still continue to be friends. And I really need to thank you for showing me that I'm just incapable of being loved…"

I could feel the voice in my head taking over. Blaine was just so close to me, and I knew it was only a matter of seconds before the voice gained complete control.

"I am ugly. I am ugly, and fat, and pale. I'm pathetic… I'm so fucking pathetic, and I realize that now… I just…"

* * *

"I just…"

As Kurt finished his sentence, I realized that I have never hated anybody as much as I hated myself in that very moment.

"Kurt, you're none of things, you're beautiful, you're talented, you have the most amazing body in the world, and I'm pretty sure that you're physically perfect, but none of that could even compare to what's on the inside. You're brave. You're so fucking brave Kurt that I can't even believe it. I love you, OK, and it took me a while to realize but I love you more than anything in the world Kurt".

Those were the words I so desperately wanted to say to him, but they just wouldn't leave my mouth.

Instead, what came out was a desperate, strangled "Kurt…"

I wanted to continue, but words just escaped me. My hands started moving on their own accord. I grabbed Kurt's chin, and tilted his head towards me.

"Look at me, Kurt" I said, and his eyes finally met mine.

This was it, that was the courage I needed to finally tell him how much he meant to me.

"I'm so sorry it took me so fucking long to realize this Kurt, but I-"

"And finally, The Dalton Academy Warblers!" rang a voice from the stage.

Jeff, who was in front of Kurt pulled him towards the stage. As the soloist, I was supposed to go last, and all I could do was stand there as the rest of the Warblers piled up on stage.

A soft "I love you" escaped my lips, but it was far too quiet for Kurt to hear.

* * *

**A/N: OK now for the actual Author's Note...**

**I am so, so, so incredibly sorry for taking this long to update. When I think of a story, I think of it like a movie scene, so it's really hard for me to put it down into words. I can very easily think of the dialogue, and the actions, but when it comes to expressing thoughts, and describing the actions by words, I get stuck. I wrote and rewrote this chapter at least a dozen times, and I still am not proud of the way it turned out, but I knew that if I delayed publishing this any longer that I would completely drop it. So, here it is..**

**I promise to update more frequently from now on. I think I've gotten over my writers block.**

**And also, the thing is, this story is obviously very angsty, and after the Kliss and the Klugs and all, I just didn't have it in me to write angst. I wanted to write sweet sweet fluff and steamy smut, but I just don't have the talent to do so.**

**So yeah, enough with the rambling, once again thank you guys so incredibly much for all of the reviews/favorites/alerts, it really means a lot to me. And I would also love it if you could review this chapter, too, I really feed off of the reviews, and it gives me ideas for the chapters to come. I will try to update at least two more times this week.**

**Love you all :)**


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